Let Go and Let God

"Let go and Let God", words we always encourage our loved ones with when they seem to be having trouble with moving on. "Let Go and Let God", words we wish to apply into action when we see that there is nothing more we can do in a situation but to move on. "Let Go and Let God", words that carry so much meaning and life, words that can renew strength and strengthen faith. However "Let Go and Let God" are also words that are so much easier said than done.

December 2015, one of the best times of my life. Not only did I have my first missionary camp experience, but also got to meet the man of my ‘dreams’. Could things be any more perfect, I mean spiritually I was doing well, I think; academically I got distinctions in all my modules; family was well; health was on point; friends check and now intimately too… I mean what more could a girl ask for. Fast forward to 2016 later in the year, the relationship ended because of distance amongst many other things (which seem so stupid now).

We went our separate ways and moved on with other people as years progresses, but life was never the same for me. I could never find myself understood by any other male person. Trust me I tried to meet them half way, but it would only work for a while before I remember the 'best'. I would always have Peacky at the back of my mind, no man was good enough. And well the expected would happen, the relationships would end with a broken heart for another and frustration for the other.

So one day when I realised that I still had unfinished business in my heart, I decided to break the traditional norm of being proposed to and I lay it all on the table. I called him up, told him how I felt. Yeeep I did, I told him all that was in my heart, the strong feelings I had, how even after so many years I still loved him and requested if we would give us another try. Well I know what you might be thinking, girl what were you thinking? That is just plain desperation. Well praise the Lord if your feelings have never taken you that far. Plus I felt like I didn’t want to live my life filled with regrets, wondering what if this, what if that, what if he felt the same way (note: if a man wants you he will do anything to get you, he doesn't need your help to get you. He was created to do the chase. And if he doesn't want you, you can be the most virtuous woman there is, it won't change a thing). So I decided to take the highway. And oh boy did I come crushing down in reverse. A big fat NO he said.

OH I felt my heart drop to the floor, like a glass having slipped from the kitchen counter. For a moment am sure I stopped breathing. I slowly closed my eyes as the call dropped, and tears ran down my cheeks with no sound in my voice, only my heart racing to keep me going. I moved over to the other side of my bed, looked over the mirror and thoughts started piling up in my head. Am I not beautiful? Am I not good enough? Am I not intelligent enough? Am I not lovely to be with? Am I not worthy? I mean why don't want me anymore, you were once intensely in love with me. We would speak for hours, you would pencil ‘’I love you Thube” on the beach sand for the whole world to see, you would call my name just to say ‘’I love you Peacky’’, we would take walks over the phone, cook, sing, have bible studies and pray… you would tell me am wrong in the sweetest of all voices, rebuke me with love and remind me of how I belong to God before you. I mean all that, all that goodness, all that love…gone?

It took me a good two-three months of detox from everything and everyone (except God) to finally accept that it was gone, and I had to it go too. Huuu I tell you it was a journey like any other. But I would do it again any day. It was beautifully challenging, spiritually strengthening and personally fulfilling. I learnt for the first time in my experience, what it meant to let Go and let God (subjective).

LGALG is about finding yourself in the process of losing a part of you (mostly ones that we think we cannot do without). My other relationships didn’t fail because the brothers were terrible, (though some really were) they failed because I was courting the brothers with Peacky’s love. I never gave them their desired chance, because I had already given my heart to someone else. No matter how good they were, they just were never going to be good enough. They didn’t have that thing.

So really all I was doing was to pass time. No in actual fact I was wasting time, hurting others and loosing myself slowly in the process.

I was broken and no relationship was going to fix me (not even the one with Peacky). I needed to question who I was and where I was, I needed to find ME again, to get to know ME. You know that you, the not in love you, the single you, the crown of God’s creation you. Yes that you, that’s not defined by your relationship, job, and friends YOU. The YOU that came out of your mother’s womb naked created to fulfil a purpose YOU. If I needed any real change to happen, I needed to make some real changes. And it began with realizing, I needed to let go. For my sanity, for my happiness, for the purpose the Lord has established me to fulfil.

You might be struggling with letting go from whatever relationship, intimate, friendship, colleague e.t.c. . Or maybe it's not a relationship but a situation that you need to move on from like abuse, loss of a loved one or betrayal. Here are 10 things I practiced and through consistency, commitment and trust in God I am well and have left it all the past.

1.       Consciously make the decision to let go – this will never happen unless you see reason to let go. I had to let go because I could see I had lost myself in this ‘love’. I was willing to do anything (compromise my principles even) to get him back. I had to let go because I was stuck in one place and had no real progress or growth in my other relationships. I had to let go because it was costing me my time with God as my mind was always occupied with him. I had to let go because it always left me stressed and hurt just thinking about it. Making the conscious decision to let go will give you the strength to take the next step.

2.       Cut off all contact with persons/situation – there will be no real progress if you still hanging on to the things that still remind you of the person/situation. Whatever it is, photos, clothes, gifts etc. They all need to go. Also don’t call or meet up with him/her. Delete his/her number and block him/her if you have too ( I certainly did). Eliminate all possible hindrances and setbacks.

3.       Talk to God – I didn’t write ‘’pray to God’’ because it seems many of us don’t understand what it means. Communicate, converse with your God, express your mixed feelings about the journey you about to take, and pour out your heart. Tell him how hurt you are, how sorry you are, how weak you are, tell him your fears about taking this step, how you want to let him take control of the situation. Cry out to him if you have to. Tell your father.

4.       Trust in God – easier said than done right, yeah I know. But all efforts will be vain if you don’t trust in his power to change, fix and transform. Believe that God wants only the best for you. Trust that in your weakness his strength is made perfect. Trust that tomorrow will be better than yesterday. Trust that you will let go. Psalms 125:1 Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever

5.       Get personal with the lord – the mistake many of us make is that when we are filled with despair and are discouraged we tend to hide behind prayer. Prayer is good and powerful, but so is the bible. The bible allows you to have better knowledge of the one who created you and with that understanding you better know yourself and the path you ought to take. The bible is your manual. Knowing God is knowing you, knowing your purpose. So spend time in the word and be refreshed by his love, strengthened by his promises and encouraged by his faithfulness. Romans 15:4 For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope

6.       Focus on important things – keep your mind occupied with things you have to do, people you need to invest in. There is a lot around that needs your attention, it can be school, work, family and even better ministry. There is power in keeping busy with the right things. This will enable you to keep your thoughts away from the person/situation and will shift your focus to more productive matters that really benefit you.

7.       Invest in yourself, spend time with yourself – feed yourself with things that will grow and develop you. Invest in you, for the life now and the one to come. Feed your mind right, your body right and your spirit. Take some time off and spend it with you and your God, Love you and appreciate you. This will help you to realize the good you able to manifest in the world and the worth you contain. This way you will be empowered to give attention to things and people that deserve it. Take some time off social network if you have too. Dress up, take yourself out, enjoy you and see good in the decision you have made.

8.       Develop new habits – Start reading books (best decision I ever made), go to the gym (one of the best tricks ever), have date nights with friends (these worked wonders for me), play a sport, have personal bible studies (a whole new level the Lord will take you I tell you) or ministry in whatever form (this is when my life coaching workshops were born, It’s been a humbling experience). Whatever good it is that you always wanted to do, go for it.

9.       Forgive as you are forgiven – all this will be vain and a superficial experience if you still harbouring feelings of anger and hurt. To be healed is to be relieved. Forgive the person for hurting you, forgive the situation for breaking you. Its for your own good. “Hatred corrodes the container it's carried in.” 

10.   Praise God -  Appreciate who God has made you to be and where he has led you thus far. Be thankful for the daily progress and his enduring patience towards your relapses. Praise him for the strength he is giving you to overcome the temptation of going back or thinking about it. Thank him for being God, a friend and a father.

11. REPEAT THE PROCESS DAILY

Time doesn't heal all wounds, it simply dries them up. If we pull out the dried top layer of the skin you will see the fresh wound beneath there. Only God in time through our faith are we healed.

God bless you

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