First Things First
Woke up today day like any other day.
Feeling a bit lazy but happy.
I made my bed, brushed my teeth,
I had my breakfast and cleaned the house.
I was suppose to do some work,Bu
t for some reason I kept on procrastinating
I ended up opening my Whatsapp instead.
And as expected messages started flocking in
Some more urgent than others
And others responses from the previous night conversations.
As I began to respond to the text messages in their order of urgency,
I get a text from him. Yes, him.
The man that I had given my heart
The man who I thought my heart was safe with
The man whom I decided to love
The man who looked me in my eyes and told me how much he cared
The man who told me that the thought of losing me made him scared
Theee man that told me I was special, that I was of a unique species.
Yes, that man I thought I would marry and spend the rest of my life with.
His text message read “I am afraid our relationship has to end,
I cant love you anymore, I need time some time out, please try and understand".
I felt my heart drop, my mom found me on the floor drowning in tears.
In that moment in time I couldnt feel anything, everything was numb.
It was as if someone was chocking me, because I was running out of breath.
My voice couldnt even come out.
All I wanted to do was to scream,
To scream so loud that I vomit all the pain out.
But only tears where running down my face, with every memory replaying in my head. Even in the blurry view of my teary eyes, I still could see his smile,
I still could see his jokuful frowns, and that face scar he had.
In the middle of my cry I could still hear all the conversations we had,
The laughs we shared, the struggles we suffered,
The achievements we celebrated, the tears we wiped.
All that was gone, all that, had come to an end now.
Years of commitment, ended in a minute.
My heart which I had entrusted him with
The time I had invested, the sacrifices I had made,
Not to mention the family and friends I had told.
"Vanity of all vanities" Solomon says.
But how do I let go, when I had given in so much?
How do I move on, when I had opened my heart for him to move in?
How do I forget, when he is all that I remember?
It hurts even more trying not to think about him.
I can't imagine life without him, it just doesnt make any sense.
God I thought you blessed us, I thought you wanted us to be together.
God I believed you approved of us, I truly believed this was a concluded case.
But clearly I got it all wrong, what man had put together and God separated.
Lord I now understand why you permitted this,
To remind me that you are my greatest love.
That only in you should I find my true happiness.
That no man cared enough as much you do.
That to no man would I ever be as special as I am to you.
You who loved me Even before I was,
That indeed I am a unique species…
I was put together with divine pieces.
God needed me to realize that I needed to love him first and men second,
Because men's love does come to an end.
He is inclined to do wrong, to disappoint, to break promises.
But he is not men.
He is God, the definition of love
- who only should I entrust my heart with,
To him only should I devout the greatest of my time,
Him who has already sacrificed his only son for me, I need not to sacrifice no more.
And I can confidently and proudly tell all my family and friends,for this relationship will never come to an end.
"You are my All in all" one singer says, my beginning and ending
And in you should I find my perfect match.
You who will always ensure that I smile, you who took scars for me.
My father in heaven who hears my cry before I scream.
Who converses with me even when I dont say a word.
One who my struggles has already conquered,
And my tears will be of joy because with him every day is a celebration.
So I can move on, because he is moving me.
I can let go, because he is holding my hand.
And I can forget because my sins he remembers them no more,
And it doesnt have to hurt because his love doesnt, instead it protects.
His love is true, his love is consistent, it doesnt break any promises.
And I wont have to look back at it because it is ever present.
This love will never turn to memories,
Because it is a part of my everyday experiences.
With that, I welcome this experience
That you have allowed me to journey through.
That in it may I not only search you with all of my heart, But lay it on you to take hold.
To hold, till its safe for me to share.
With one whom you have prepared.
One who his greatest purpose after serving you is to love me.
One whom my heart can be entrusted with, one whose desire is ever to do your will. One who I can submit myself as Christ did to the cross,
One who will love me as you did when you gave up Christ and regarded it no loss.
One who when I wake in morning, Instead of a breakup will read your word to lift me up. And above Lord, one whom when you have put together no man can separate.
Feeling a bit lazy but happy.
I made my bed, brushed my teeth,
I had my breakfast and cleaned the house.
I was suppose to do some work,Bu
t for some reason I kept on procrastinating
I ended up opening my Whatsapp instead.
And as expected messages started flocking in
Some more urgent than others
And others responses from the previous night conversations.
As I began to respond to the text messages in their order of urgency,
I get a text from him. Yes, him.
The man that I had given my heart
The man who I thought my heart was safe with
The man whom I decided to love
The man who looked me in my eyes and told me how much he cared
The man who told me that the thought of losing me made him scared
Theee man that told me I was special, that I was of a unique species.
Yes, that man I thought I would marry and spend the rest of my life with.
His text message read “I am afraid our relationship has to end,
I cant love you anymore, I need time some time out, please try and understand".
I felt my heart drop, my mom found me on the floor drowning in tears.
In that moment in time I couldnt feel anything, everything was numb.
It was as if someone was chocking me, because I was running out of breath.
My voice couldnt even come out.
All I wanted to do was to scream,
To scream so loud that I vomit all the pain out.
But only tears where running down my face, with every memory replaying in my head. Even in the blurry view of my teary eyes, I still could see his smile,
I still could see his jokuful frowns, and that face scar he had.
In the middle of my cry I could still hear all the conversations we had,
The laughs we shared, the struggles we suffered,
The achievements we celebrated, the tears we wiped.
All that was gone, all that, had come to an end now.
Years of commitment, ended in a minute.
My heart which I had entrusted him with
The time I had invested, the sacrifices I had made,
Not to mention the family and friends I had told.
"Vanity of all vanities" Solomon says.
But how do I let go, when I had given in so much?
How do I move on, when I had opened my heart for him to move in?
How do I forget, when he is all that I remember?
It hurts even more trying not to think about him.
I can't imagine life without him, it just doesnt make any sense.
God I thought you blessed us, I thought you wanted us to be together.
God I believed you approved of us, I truly believed this was a concluded case.
But clearly I got it all wrong, what man had put together and God separated.
Lord I now understand why you permitted this,
To remind me that you are my greatest love.
That only in you should I find my true happiness.
That no man cared enough as much you do.
That to no man would I ever be as special as I am to you.
You who loved me Even before I was,
That indeed I am a unique species…
I was put together with divine pieces.
God needed me to realize that I needed to love him first and men second,
Because men's love does come to an end.
He is inclined to do wrong, to disappoint, to break promises.
But he is not men.
He is God, the definition of love
- who only should I entrust my heart with,
To him only should I devout the greatest of my time,
Him who has already sacrificed his only son for me, I need not to sacrifice no more.
And I can confidently and proudly tell all my family and friends,for this relationship will never come to an end.
"You are my All in all" one singer says, my beginning and ending
And in you should I find my perfect match.
You who will always ensure that I smile, you who took scars for me.
My father in heaven who hears my cry before I scream.
Who converses with me even when I dont say a word.
One who my struggles has already conquered,
And my tears will be of joy because with him every day is a celebration.
So I can move on, because he is moving me.
I can let go, because he is holding my hand.
And I can forget because my sins he remembers them no more,
And it doesnt have to hurt because his love doesnt, instead it protects.
His love is true, his love is consistent, it doesnt break any promises.
And I wont have to look back at it because it is ever present.
This love will never turn to memories,
Because it is a part of my everyday experiences.
With that, I welcome this experience
That you have allowed me to journey through.
That in it may I not only search you with all of my heart, But lay it on you to take hold.
To hold, till its safe for me to share.
With one whom you have prepared.
One who his greatest purpose after serving you is to love me.
One whom my heart can be entrusted with, one whose desire is ever to do your will. One who I can submit myself as Christ did to the cross,
One who will love me as you did when you gave up Christ and regarded it no loss.
One who when I wake in morning, Instead of a breakup will read your word to lift me up. And above Lord, one whom when you have put together no man can separate.
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