RELATIONSHIP GOALS - Its more than just being good people


Hie there

 Welcome to 2019 (never mind that am saying this 3 months after it has begun already) hope you have been blessed thus far.

 It has been an interesting journey for me. I mean a lot has happened in such a little time. One of which is I invested in a relationship, and it showed me flames... yeah i got really burnt, badly. More like a 3rd degree burn right into the inner layer of my skin.😊😊 Ohk maybe am exaggerating, but the point is I got hurt. It was so bad that i even started questioning if there was something wrong with me, like what did i not do right. I mean I think am a submissive woman, I dress okaaay, have good behavioral manners (my parents like to say), i am considerate, very budgety, jovial and all the other things that might come to your mind when you think of me. 

 All these questioned crossed my mind every single day after the break up. I felt at the time that maybe I didn't try enough, maybe I didn't respect him enough, maybe i wasn't intelligent and (every girl's biggest fear).... maybe am not beautiful enough. I mean why would he commit, why did things not work out. 

 Fortunately, in the knowledge of Christ senseless things have sense. This meaning that when we don't have understanding of things happening, Christ has life lessons for us to take home. Therefore after a weeks of thorough communion with Christ, of deep soul searching I discovered the failure or success of a relationship is beyond the goodness of persons involved. It is more than the fact that you good people...

 NB: These are my personal findings, you are free not to agree.

 The success of a relationships requires: 

 1. A clear conscious identity of the persons 
   - People should know who they are in the absence of the relationship, their purpose of being created, what they believe in (Its more than just going to church and participating in church programs), have defined principles, clear plans and desire of future life (that way they have a sense of direction), life destiny (what is the end goal of everything that they are and what they do).

 2. Person's readiness
   - This is one element that many of us discard. Mainly because we become so in love that we underestimate the need of holistic readiness. A relationship is an investment that your whole being is needed for it to be a success. 
                    a. Emotionally - one ought to be ready to give and receive love, ready 
                        to love unconditionally but soberly, ready to trust, ready to grow 
                        and explore, ready to feel and think about the next person more 
                        often etc.
                    b. Spiritually - prior to being in a relationship, one must have a 
                         knowledge of what their faith has called them into. What is their 
                         calling? Preaching/teaching/singing etc. You cannot expect to 
                         have a spiritual home, when persons involved have no 
                         understanding whatsoever of what they ought to do in Christ's 
                         vineyard. We are all called to be witnesses of Christ but how we 
                         do that varies, and our homes are the first and most important 
                         fields to work in.
                     c. Financially - take note am not saying you should be rich, have a 
                         fancy job and be a millionaire entrepreneur. But you should be 
                         financially able. This is to say have a source of income. I mean w 
                         live in the 21st century where almost anything needs money. Just 
                         to go spend quality time needs a few coins, there is transport and 
                         most likely food involved. Makes sense why we are mostly 
                         advised to be in relationships when we have completed our 
                         academic studies.
While there are many other components of readiness, they sterm mainly from the above mentioned.

 3. Commitment
     - Person's need and want of the relationship. Both persons need to want the 
       relationship, in that way they will work for its success and be able to stand 
       firm against the storms.You can be committed but not ready but you cannot 
       be ready and not committed. I discovered therefore that the reasons for lack 
       of commitment is because they are things they are not ready to give and not 
       ready to receive.

These are just a few of the many I learnt hereafter the ordeal, which gave me peace and contentment in where God has allowed me to presently. But above everything else please remember if it is God's desire for you to have a life companion, he will avail him/her in due time. And while you wait, join me as we embrace the gift of singleness, find your calling, exercise it and work out your salvation with fear and trembling. 


God bless

Would love to hear your thoughts, please share your comments below....

Comments

Unknown said…
Compatibility is also important. Both parties may have the right qualities but if you are not compatible,it won't work out.
2 April 2019 at 09:22
Thubelihle Maduma said…
Thank you very much Mel for noting that. People maybe truly be mated but not matched. Hoping to cover that indepth in the next blog. Thanks again. Thank you so much for that note.
2 April 2019 at 13:23
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